The full script for Red Dwarf Series 2 Episode 5 – Queeg. Possibly the greatest April Fool joke ever. Still timeless all these years later!
Month: March 2017
THE WAY THE LIGHT CATCHES ALL THE ANGLES IN YOUR HEAD, IT’S ENCHANTING
The way the light catches all the angles in your head, it’s enchanting.
HE WAS A DRUG-CRAZED TRANSVESTITE, BUT AT LEAST WE COULD ‘VE GONE DANCING
Hermann Goring would ‘ve been more of a laugh than Rimmer! I mean, OK, he was a drug-crazed transvestite, but at least we could ‘ve gone dancing.
OVER THE YEARS I HAVE MANAGED TO DEVELOP SOME SERIOUS CHARACTER FAULTS
He helped me break my programming, sir. Over the years I have managed to develop some serious character faults of which I’m extremely proud!
I’LL WRITE YOU INTO MY WILL IF YOU LET IT BE ME!
Cat: This is gonna crack him up. Devastate him. Who ‘s gonna tell him? Rimmer: I ‘ll write you into my will if you let it be me! I’LL WRITE YOU INTO MY WILL IF YOU LET IT BE ME!
AS FAR AS PSYCHOTICALLY DERANGED RUTHLESS KILLER SIMULANTS GO, YOU ‘RE A BIT OF A BABE!
Actually, as far as psychotically deranged ruthless killer stimulants go, you ‘re a bit of a babe! What are you doing tonight?
DON’T GIVE ME THIS STAR TREK CRAP KRYTEN
Don’t give me this Star Trek crap, Kryten, it’s too early in the morning! DON’T GIVE ME THIS STAR TREK CRAP KRYTEN
THAT’S IMPOSSIBLE WITHOUT AT LEAST ONE LIVE CHICKEN AND A RABBI?
68250? But sir surely that’s impossible without at least one live chicken and a rabbi?
ALL NATIONS ARE ONLY ALLOCATED ONE PARKING SPACE?
39436175880932- B? All nations attending the conference are only allocated one parking space? ALL NATIONS ARE ONLY ALLOCATED ONE PARKING SPACE?